Many people are interested to hear our story of how we came to the point in our lives where we were willing to sell half of our belongings, give up our lifestyle and move away from family and friends, including our 3 teenage daughters. This is not a simple story; and it’s a story that goes back several years. While I could give a condensed version I know it may be beneficial to some to hear how we did it. Over the next few weeks in the midst of my health posts I plan to share our story.
Chad and I have been married 12 years this coming March. The first 6 years of our marriage was tough to say the least.
Chad has always
been interested in learning more about God but until the last few years I was not interested at
all at being supportive of his dream. When we married in 2002, I was still
reeling from the loss of my mother and first husband just a short year before. When
two people who hardly know each other get married that is hard enough; throw 4
kids into the mix, strong differences of opinions on money, lifestyle, and even
beliefs, and it is pretty much doomed in today’s world. Add to that the grieving I was still in the
midst of and the way I handled money, and anyone would have thought that there
is no way it could work. I’m not sure
why I thought this, but I expected since I met this wonderful man who loved me
and my children that my life would be fabulous and I would have no problems
ever again. I thought that I had been through enough in my life that
difficulties would never again come my way. Boy was I wrong!
When I realized that indeed hardships were going to come my way, that marriage was work, and life does not go the way I want, I became unhappy and discontent with the things in my life. We didn't have enough money, I didn't have as nice stuff as my friends, and my husband was too religious and cared more about church than me. I spent money whenever I felt like things were not going well. Money we did not have to spend. Even though we had a comfortable income and a nice home and cars, it was never enough for me. If you had talked to me in 2008 I would have told you we were doomed. I was discontent with everything in my life.....and discontentment was at the very core of my problems. But after a series of events in our marriage I was brought to a place in my life where I really sat back and evaluated what was important. I had a supportive husband who loved me unconditionally, even through my years of grief and questioning whether God even existed.
After many long conversations with
Chad and months
of soul searching I came back
to being one with my husband. For years
I had done things my way. I spent money
without abandon, I parented the kids without including him, and I basically had
lived my own life without a thought of what my marriage partner’s wants and
needs were. I came to the point where I
did not want a marriage like that. I
wanted to have a thriving marriage where the two partners are in it together
with similar goals and priorities. While I don’t plan on this blog being about
our marriage, I think it is important to get a little background on the things
that led up to our life now.
Many people struggle with difficulties in their lives and turn to spending money they don’t have, thinking it will help. I was one of those people. This was only one aspect of our problems, but one I really want to touch on in this blog. It is the one thing that would make or break our future plans.
Chad and I could have reconciled,
had a great marriage where we supported each other in our
passions, and raised the children together as a team. But if we did not have a handle on our
finances we could have never picked up and moved to Virginia
to pursue his passion.
Once I came to the realization that spending money was not giving me
contentment, if anything it was adding to the discontentment with the added
bills that came at the end of the month, I knew we had to make a drastic change.
Next time I will tell what we did to get out of the debt hole I had dug our family into in a matter of 6 years.